Grief can occur in a normal, non-pathological way in individuals, or it can manifest as an abnormal, complicated mourning process in which the symptoms may last for years. In this article, we explain normal and healthy (non-pathological) grief. If less than two years have passed since you lost a loved one, and you have the processes that I will describe below, there is no cause for concern. You are going through a normal, non-pathological grief period. Read on.

Feelings

Sorrow: The most common feeling observed in those who have experienced a loss is sorrow. It does not necessarily show itself through crying, but often it does.

Anger: In many cases, following the loss, a feeling of anger toward the person affected may arise—an emotion that can be one of the most confusing feelings for them, and thus it is rooted in many forms of mourning during the mourning process.

Guilt and self-blame: Feeling guilty and blaming oneself is among the common experiences among the bereaved.

Anxiety: Anxiety in the bereaved can range from a mild sense of insecurity to severe attacks of panic and frenzy. The more severe and the longer-lasting the anxiety is, the more it will be a sign of pathological grief reaction. Anxiety is mainly due to two factors: first, the survivor is afraid they will not be able to manage their life on their own. Second, the anxiety is related to the person’s increased awareness of the fact that they, too, will die—an awareness that becomes more intense with the death of a loved one.

Loneliness: Loneliness is the feeling that the bereaved often talk about.

Fatigue: Feeling bruised, tired, mentally drained, and lacking motivation and energy appears.

Helplessness: The factor that makes the event of death so full of psychological pressure is a sense of helplessness caused by it. This factor is strongly linked to anxiety and is often seen in the early stages of the loss.

Shock: In most cases, psychological shock occurs in connection with death—especially sudden death.

Regret: A natural response to a loss, and when it gradually settles down, it can be a sign that mourning is coming to an end.

Relief: Freedom from being bound can be a positive feeling after someone’s death.

Comfort/Relief: Many people feel relieved after the death of a loved one—especially if the person suffered from a long illness or endured very painful suffering. However, the feeling of relief is usually accompanied by guilt.

Numbness: Numbness is often felt in the first stages of grief, usually right after hearing the news of death. This state probably occurs because the number of feelings is so large that allowing all of them in one’s unconscious mind becomes overwhelming. Therefore, in the face of a flood of feelings, the person seeks refuge in numbness and emotional insensitivity.

Body-related feelings

Empty and hollow stomach, pressure in the chest, pressure in the throat, excessive sensitivity to noise, shortness of breath, muscular weakness powerlessness/feebleness, dry mouth.

Cognitions

Very different patterns of thought are signs of distress. Some thoughts in the early stages of mourning are normal and usually fade after a short time.

Disbelief: This thought is often the first thing that comes to mind after hearing about the death—especially if the death was sudden.

Confusion: Many people who have just experienced a loss say their thoughts are very disordered; they cannot organize their thoughts, have difficulty concentrating, and forget things.

Preoccupation: Mental preoccupation with thoughts related to the deceased often includes stubborn, obsessive thoughts.

Feeling the presence: This is the cognitive aspect of the emotional experience of regret. The bereaved person may think that the deceased is still present in the current time and place.

Hallucinations: Hallucinations can be both visual and auditory.

Behaviors

and Natural grief reactions often come along with a number of specific behaviors. The range of these behaviors may extend from disturbances in sleep and appetite to distraction and social withdrawal. The following behaviors have been reported in many cases after a loss and usually improve over time.

- Sleep disturbance: Disturbed sleep in people who are in the early stages of mourning is not unusual. This can involve difficulty falling asleep or waking up, or not sleeping in the early hours of the morning. Sleep disturbances sometimes can symbolize various fears, including fear of having dreams, fear of being alone in bed, and fear of not waking up.

- Appetite disturbance: Appetite disturbance can appear both as overeating and as a lack of interest in food.

- Distractibility: Those who have just experienced a loss may behave in a confused and distressed manner or do things that cause trouble or harm to themselves.

- Social withdrawal: After enduring a loss, it is not unusual for people to want to pull away from others; this is also usually a temporary phenomenon and will resolve.

- Dreaming about the deceased: Dreaming of the lost person in the form of ordinary dreams or troubled dreams and very common nightmares is very common. These dreams can often help with certain purposes—for example, determining what stage of mourning the person is in.

-Avoidance of anything that reminds one of the deceased. People avoid things or objects that cause painful sorrow for the deceased. They may avoid places where the deceased died or the cemetery where the person was buried, or objects that remind them of the loved one who has passed away.

- Searching for and calling out: Both “Bowlby” and “Parkes” wrote many things about searching behaviors in their works. Calling out is related to searching behaviors.

- Sighing: This is a behavior often seen in the bereaved. Excessive restlessness and agitation, crying, visiting places, or carrying objects that remind them of the deceased, and keeping items belonging to the deceased.

- The presence of guilt: Mental preoccupation with guilt leads the bereaved person, in the time before the death, to search for evidence of negligence. The intensity of guilt is usually proportional to the hostile attitude the grieving person had toward the deceased, and to the presence of strong doubt about the deceased. When there are hostile impulses, the bereaved may interpret the death of their loved one as the realization of their wish—which in turn increases guilt.

2- Angry and hostile reaction: This reaction may be directed at the deceased—asking why they died. This anger can easily be redirected toward another person.

3- Relief: This phenomenon is seen in some cases when the bereaved person feels they have regained their freedom. (A teenage state in which, after the death of their father due to a troubled relationship with him, they feel freed.)

4- Comfort/Relief: This is seen more when a prolonged, painful illness leads to death. Both the deceased has been released from death, and the mourner.

5- Fear of helplessness and anxiety about an intimate relationship that is not legitimate with another parent. (Freud, in controlling symptoms and anxiety, proposed that some sources of anxiety follow the absence of this symptom.)

6- Reactivation of old unresolved conflicts.

7- Incapacity/helplessness: This phenomenon may be associated with the complete inability of the bereaved person to tolerate the suffering of the loss. Another source of this incapacity is that they have to continue life without the deceased’s support.

8- Denial: That means the person has not died. Denial may be an initial reaction to death. This phenomenon usually lasts for a short time and continues through the mourning process for a longer period. It may also cross beyond normal boundaries and be classified as pathological mourning.

9- Absence of emotions: Such a loss may be a mechanism for postponing painful functioning.

Mourning may be the case. In normal grief, this condition usually lasts for a short time.

To improve your condition and to get to know your emotions (what you’re going through), I, Mohammad Jafar Torkan, a psychotherapist, can accompany you.

Send a message: 09338729993